Tuesday, April 14, 2009

He's gotta die.....

2day....has 2 b the worst day of my life. i fucked up....again. and this time it looks like theres no return but i cant quit. over time ive become some1 who has hurt some1 special, lied to them, and just all around disrespected them. Ive become some1 who i dont even recognize when i look n the mirror. ive become some1 who has ruined the only relationship that meant anything 2 me. and that person has 2 die.....RITE NOW! he has 2. im doing things that i never do. things that i pride myself on not doin. that me has 2 die. cuz ive lost her, and rite now im disgusted with myself. i wanna die rite now. but 2nite im sittin down and im going back 2 the "old me". the guy who loves her, would die 4 her, who wouldnt do anything 2 hurt her. i have 2, without her i feel.....empty.

her and i made so much progress, i felt like we really mite go back out. butthen i saw something online that made me question all of that. and instead of doin the smart thing and talkin 2 her about it i just kept it inside and bottled it up. and then some1 came around and said wat i wanted 2 hear and i played into it. i told this other girl that i loved her and i called her mama. even tho we only talked 4 2 days. i said that bcuz i wanted 2 know it was tru from the girl who i love. i called that girl mama cuz the girl i love was on my mind the whole time (sounds like bs). i love her so much, and i have 2 go back 2 being the me that she fell n love with. i have 2 get her back. i have 2.

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